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| Is a broken marriage still a marriage? |
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Incoming controversial topic. Tread carefully.
Some Christians feel trapped in unhappy marriages due to the stigma behind divorce. And when some churches turn a blind eye to serious marital problems—some leaning so strictly on the "divorce is never allowed because God hates divorce" side of the fence)—this can be understandably frustrating especially for those married to an abusive spouse.
But is all divorce really so taboo as those churches often treat it?
Some Christians feel trapped in unhappy marriages due to the stigma behind divorce. And when some churches turn a blind eye to serious marital problems—some leaning so strictly on the "divorce is never allowed because God hates divorce" side of the fence)—this can be understandably frustrating especially for those married to an abusive spouse.
But is all divorce really so taboo as those churches often treat it?
While I understand why something like divorce would be undesirable (marriage symbolizes unity under God and a reflection of Christ and the church), we must consider the circumstances not through "black-and-white" thinking but rather through careful discernment.
You know what God really hates? Oppression. God hated the mistreatment of his people being slaves in Egypt, and He delivered them (see Exodus). Would God want His children to needlessly suffer by the hands of an abusive partner? Would remaining in such a marriage really be honoring God?
Abuse and domestic violence would even be a violation of those marriage vows—which, by the way, include the line, "to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy law". Guess what the two greatest commandments are about: Love. "Love God with all your being and love your neighbor as yourself". And no, abuse of any kind is never a form of love!
Some cases have been reported in which a church did not take the pleas of a wife in an abusive marriage seriously, even misusing verses like "Wives, submit to your husband" (which, in this case, would be a form of victim blaming). At least one of those incidents ended with a wife being murdered by her own husband! Without that care, support, and refuge that the church is supposed to be, it's no wonder that some abuse victims leave their church—especially when that church would rather side with the abuser.
If you had to choose between oppression and divorce, what would you choose? While neither situation is desirable, consider this: what's more important, saving people or saving marriages? In this broken world that we live in, God understands our circumstances. An abusive marriage is not a marriage honoring God; marriage is supposed to be mutually unified in love. With all things considered, the abuser is violating that marriage, not the victim. God does not desire for His children to live in such needlessly oppressive circumstances or become slaves to abuse.
"Divorce is a painful reality in any circumstances. As Christians, we believe in the power of forgiveness, we believe in the reconciliation found in Christ Jesus, and we have all witnessed the gospel's power to turn bad marriages around. But ultimately, Christians have to be people who are concerned with saving people even more than they are with saving marriages." (Chad Ashby, God Hates Abuse)
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Curious Questions to Consider:
Under what grounds is divorce considered an option?
Do you think the church needs to do better in protecting and supporting victims?
What can the church do to improve regarding their approach to marital problems? Especially when abuse is involved?
What can you do for those struggling in an unhappy or broken marriage?
Under what grounds is divorce considered an option?
Do you think the church needs to do better in protecting and supporting victims?
What can the church do to improve regarding their approach to marital problems? Especially when abuse is involved?
What can you do for those struggling in an unhappy or broken marriage?
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Leave your thoughts in the comment section below. Feel free to share your own stories, experiences and insight in relation to the topic.
Be sure to be respectful and considerate of your word choice in regards to whatever details you choose to share. We're not here to gossip or backstab. Refrain from using specific names. Do not use this topic as an excuse to bash on those who may agree or disagree on certain views regarding marriage or divorce. No flame wars. Please keep it clean and civil.
If you or someone you know is undergoing domestic abuse, do not hesitate to call for help. Call the police or your local domestic violence hotline.
God bless and thanks for sharing!
Be sure to be respectful and considerate of your word choice in regards to whatever details you choose to share. We're not here to gossip or backstab. Refrain from using specific names. Do not use this topic as an excuse to bash on those who may agree or disagree on certain views regarding marriage or divorce. No flame wars. Please keep it clean and civil.
If you or someone you know is undergoing domestic abuse, do not hesitate to call for help. Call the police or your local domestic violence hotline.
God bless and thanks for sharing!
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Author's Notes:
Cover image courtesy of Pixabay.
Some additional resources for you to check out:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline (https://www.thehotline.org)
- God Hates Abuse - article by Chad Ashby (https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2018/may-web-only/patterson-sbc-divorce-god-hates-abuse.html)
- 'Submit to your husbands': Women told to endure domestic violence in the name of God - article by Julia Baird (https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-07-18/domestic-violence-church-submit-to-husbands/8652028)
- Responding to Emotional Abuse in Marriage - article by Lilly Park (https://www.biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/2013/10/01/responding-to-emotional-abuse-in-marriage)
- Leaving Your Spouse Because Of Abuse - article by Marriage Missions International (https://marriagemissions.com/leaving-abusive-spouse)
- What God Wants From You When Your Spouse is Wounding Your Marriage - article by Matt Jacobson (https://faithfulman.com/what-god-wants-from-you-when-your-spouse-is-wounding-your-marriage)
- Woman disguises 911 call by ordering pizza - KGET News (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJL_8kNFmTI)
(Written on January 26, 2020.)
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Oh please, Churches dont care about this issue as long as at least one of the couple donates to the church and they will ALWAYS take the side of the spouse with the cash!!!
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ReplyDelete1) God wants us to be happy first and foremost. Any abuse is "Unsanctified" in God's eyes and shouldn't be tolerated.
ReplyDelete2) The church can do more harm than good sometimes. Instead of standing on one or two verses about divorce we should take the whole of God's law (love) and scripture to heart.
3) The church needs to use common sense and an open mind when they're dealing with divorce in the day and age we're living in.
4) We should support people we know who are going through tuff times in marriages anyway we can and put them on our prayer list. Let them know they're not alone.